Preparation for marriage brings many questions to mind: “What is a good date?” “When do we order flowers?” “What are the fees?” etc. While these are necessary considerations, the most important question is the one rarely asked: “Why do you want a Christian marriage?” This question presents a welcome opportunity to discuss the nature of Christian marriage.

Some couples will say “because Saint John’s is such a pretty church” or “because our parents want us to be married in church.” If, after further discussion, that is still the case, then S. John’s is probably not the place for them. A marriage in the Church involves Christian vows. These demand a Christian life, i.e., forsaking all others, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. These words are not to be taken lightly. They imply, at the very least, a life-long commitment. Christian marriage is one in which couples pray for each other and, if they are so blessed, for their children. Christian marriage is a relationship that includes Jesus Christ Himself.

If this is the sort of life a couple desires, then we will do all in our power to help the couple succeed. Premarital counseling, some reading, and much prayer are the first steps to a committed, Christian marriage.

Guidelines for Christian Marriage

Before the banns of marriage are published, the couple must contact the parish office to check the availability of the proposed date and to set the first counseling appointment with the priest.

Every prospective bride and bridegroom comes to the rite of Holy Matrimony from a different background and understanding of the meaning of “Church” or Christian marriage. These and other matters are discussed with the priest and reading material given to the couple.

Marriage in the Church is governed by Canon Law, which in part states that Holy Matrimony is a physical and spiritual union of a man and a woman, entered into with the community of faith, by mutual consent of heart, mind, and will and with the intent that it be lifelong.

At least one of the parties shall have been baptized. In addition, regular attendance at Sunday Mass by the couple is expected. The clergy must know those whose marriages they are to bless.

Both parties shall have been instructed by means of at least three joint sessions with the priest as to the nature, meaning, an purpose of Holy Matrimony.

The intention of the parties to contract marriage shall be signified to the priest at least 30 days prior to the wedding day.

In addition, each couple must subscribe to a written Declaration of Intention, stating that they believe “marriage to be a lifelong union of husband and wife as it is set forth in the Form of Solemnization of Holy Matrimony and that it is for the purpose of mutual fellowship, encouragement, and understand, for the procreation (if it may be) of children, and their physical and spiritual nurture, fro the safeguarding and benefit of society.” It must also be said that Christian teaching expressly limits sexual relations to a man and a woman who have entered into Holy Matrimony.

The rite of Holy Matrimony is not normally performed at S. John the Evangelist if one or both parties are divorced. Neither is the rite performed outside the church building nor during the penitential seasons of Advent (about 30 days before Christmas) or Lent (40 days before Easter).

Rehearsal Notes

The priest will instruct each person about places to stand and parts to play in the ceremony. The bride and bridegroom should ensure that they and their attendants arrive promptly for the rehearsal. While the rehearsal need not be hurried, the couple should keep in mind that the priest and organist (if present) undoubtedly have other appointments to keep.

Some couples engage the services of a professional bridal consultant to help with certain wedding details. The bridal consultant may observe the rehearsal and attend the wedding if the bride and her family wish. But it should be noted that at S. John the Evangelist all matters pertaining to the wedding service itself are under the direction of the priest.

Details about the Marriage Service

Service. Because S. John the Evangelist is part of the Anglican Communion, the only service used is the appointed Marriage Rite in the Book of Common Prayer, which at S. John’s is the 1928 Book of Common Prayer. The lessons read in the service are appointed in the Prayer Book.

Music. Music must be suitable for a rite of the church. Sung texts must be of a sacred nature and appropriate for the liturgy. Wagner’s “The Bridal March” from “Lohengrin” and Mendelssohn’s “The Bridal March” from “A Mid-Summer Night’s Dream” are not considered to be appropriate for a Christian marriage service. All other music must be approved by the priest and the Choirmaster.

Flowers. Modest flower arrangements are appropriate placed on the altar or in a single side arrangement only. The florist of your choice must contact the parish office before preparing the flower arrangements. As an act of thanksgiving, couples normally leave the flowers to adorn the church.
Photographs. Holy Matrimony is a Sacrament and service of Divine Worship. Flash and video lights are distracting and inappropriate during the service. Videotaping, if unobtrusive, may be done, if approved by the priest at the rehearsal.

License. This essential document must be given to the priest at the rehearsal.

Fees. The following fees are to be paid at the rehearsal.

Church - Nonmembers of the church should contribute a minimum of $1,500 to the Church of S. John the Evangelist. Half of the intended donation is due when the wedding is scheduled.

The other half is due on the day of the rehearsal. Capacity. The church building accommodates 250 guests comfortably for a wedding service.

Priest - $300 or more contribution to the rector, which is used for charity. This contribution should be seen as a thank offering to God for bringing the couple together and for the time and effort the priest has spent in preparing the couple for marriage. Please make a cheque to the church and write “Rector’s Fund” in the memo section.

Organist - $200 for the service and one consultation. Additional consultations or preparations are charged accordingly. Please note that this fee is payable even if his services are not employed. Please make a cheque to “Jonathan F. Babbitt.”

Sexton - $50 to cover cleaning the church before and after the service payable to the sexton personally. Please make a cheque to “William Bachus.”

Confetti. Throwing paper confetti, bird seed, or rice outside the church is not permitted. If desired, rose petals may be thrown. They may not be used inside the church.